


Try and Try Again (where Hijikata will never give up)

by Watashi_wa_Okami



Series: A Souls Vessel [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Bottom Gintoki, Comfort/Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Hijikata refuses to fail, Hijikata tries, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Joui War, M/M, Memories, Most damaged are the wisest, Multi, Post Joui War, Pre-Joui War, Sexual Abuse, They're both stubborn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and they all know it, life sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2020-06-25 00:26:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Watashi_wa_Okami/pseuds/Watashi_wa_Okami
Summary: Hijikata thought he understood Gintoki. He has analyzed the man's scars as if he were an astronomer and Gintoki were the sky. He has learned to read between the lines when all anyone else sees is the same stoic face and same mindless chatter. And yet an insecurity in the man is that he doesn't really know anything. Everyday he notices a new scar, a new unreadable look. Whenever he thinks he finally understands the man, he seems to become more complex.But there are some things he should have just known. And it hurts to realize that he never noticed.





	1. Chapter One

Gintoki lazied on his couch, book securely covering his face. _It's quiet_ , he notices, oddly quiet. An uncomfortable silence he has come to greatly dislike as the years have passed. He shifts his _Jump_ down out of his eyes and looks around the empty room. Shinpachi made sure to clean the entire place before leaving on that Otsuu tour, and Kagura would _not_ let him leave without her, for some reason, and obviously Sadaharu had tagged along. As he had been feigning a nap, he had heard her yelling something about demanding free, expensive food from the idol. (Nevermind the fact that she's the Prrincess' best friend and therefore often already gets free, expensive food. She had taunted Gintoki with that fact for a long time until the Shogun had to give a monthly limit. How the yato had managed to deplete even the Shogun's fridge, Gintoki isn't sure he wants to know).

Oh what hell that must be for everyone else.

The permed man sighs and sets his precious book on the table before stretching his unused limbs. _Perhaps..._ he thinks for a moment and checks the time, _I'll visit the Shinsengumi_. Suddenly with a purpose he hops off the couch. He slides his boots on and snatches a lollipop before heading out, casually unwrapping it and popping it in his mouth as he strolls through his district.

He feels for Kagura, actually. Her just simply being able to _leave_ . Sure, he can leave, and no, he doesn’t hate her for it, but sometimes he gets the sense he’s more tied down to the place than some others. She’s ready to go off into space with her dad, she just needs a push. And apparently, Gintoki had learned the hard way, he can’t be the one to push her. Shinpachi just needs to find his way, and Gintoki… well, he’s an adult. He’s found a place, has duties here. Even after the whole Kintoki incident, even though a part of him wants a break from these familiar faces that for a time weren’t so familiar, he can’t have one. After the incident with Shinpachi’s older… brother, Gintoki has wanted a break ftreathe kid who keeps saying that it _wasn’t his fault_ , and that he should _stop pushing everyone away_. 

“Pft.” He verbalizes as he reaches the Shinsengumi. He just walks in, and hardly anyone bats an eye as he has become a regular appearance. “Oi, Oogushi-kun? Ooooooiiii!” He drawls, walking around and, oops, he found the desserts, oh dear, he can’t let any of it go to waste, might as well take some for him and poor, missing Oogushi-kun. How would Gintoki have known that the man wouldn’t have been in the dining hall?

Perhaps, Gintoki wonders absentmindedly, he is drawn to the Shinsengumi because they may be just as tied-down as himself.

Finally, he finds Hijikata where Gintoki knew he’d be, in his room doing paperwork.

“What is it.” Hijikata asks rather dully, too used to the permed distraction.

“Ara, ara, I brought you a treat, and this is how you repay me?” Gintoki feigns hurt and turns to leave.

“I’d hardly count _this_ as a ‘treat’.” Hijikata says blandly and Gintoki looks back at the man. Hijikata finally looks at him, his sharp eyes looking into the deadfish red he has become familiar with.

“Oh, no, we haven’t gotten to the _treat_ , but I thought this could suffice.” Gintoki says and passes the man a _god-forsaken-why-does-it-even-exist_ mayo treat-candy-thing. He’s almost positive the Shinsengumi made it exclusively for their Fukucho.

“Why are you here?” Hijikata asks, realizing he’s not going to get any work done. However, no one can ever say he has turned down anything mayo, so he unwraps the treat and pops it into his mouth.

Gintoki can’t help but find the similarities between his former comrade and this man.

“Just needed a break, that’s all. And maybe you need one too. I don’t know why you’re being so grumpy since this is a win-win.” He states with a smirk as he watches the retort form in Hijikata’s eyes. “ _Oogushi-kuuun_!!” Gintoki finishes, satisfied by the redness of the other males face.

“Why, I oughta...” grumbles, slightly unsure of just what he should do.

“Ah, you know you still love me.” Gintoki says with a grin on his face as he plops down slightly behind the officer and places his chin on the frozen shoulder.

“Hmph.” Is Hijikata’s stubborn response and he relaxes, over the shock of the previous sentence.

“ _Toooossshhiiiiii!!!_ ” Gintoki persistatly whines.

“Good God what has you so flustered.” Hijikata barks back, taking his shoulder back from the Yorozuya. Gintoki, not expecting the harsh reaction, falls forward slightly, but manages to not plant his face into the wet ink. Although how, neither of them are entirely sure. But then again, they both know how quickly Gintoki can go from being a lazy good-for-nothing to the hardened warrior he is.

“Flustered?” Gintoki echos, brows drawn in slight confusion.

“What’s bothering you today, huh?” Hijikata asks, turning his attention to his partner. They had never given themselves a label, Gintoki always said that would be 'too troublesome' while Hijikata saw a label as something the vice-chief shouldn't have. Should anyone hear a rumor of him in a specific relationship, things could end badly for all of them if the information got into the wrong hands.

Of course, Hijikata isn't so foolish and protective to believe things would end _that_ badly, Gintoki has proven that he can take care of himself through the most dire of situations. But the unspoken title seems to make things better for them. Neither of them are meant to be tied down like that. But they're comfortable, comfortable in the fact that even without the clarified 'boyfriend' status, they know the other won't 'cheat' on them or the like (if that is even possible without said title. They hadn't discussed that ever, and the only time Gintoki made a joke on it was when Hijikata really, and he admitted _accidentally_ , hurt the permed man's feelings).

They started 'dating,' the word only used as a sort of clarification specifically for the younger two Yorozuya, after the whole cursed-sword incident. An odd time to begin a relationship, but it happened nonetheless. But they worked… surprisingly well, because although in many ways they are opposites, they are also so alike it’s scary. So, as people have come to understand, if ever they find a common cause, it’s Hell on Earth. Even worse than that to people who had actually experience _true_ Hell on Earth (Gintoki, drunkenly and loose-lipped, had made a joke about that. Hijikata never pressed).

“I’m bored, does something have to be bothering me?” Gintoki says. “Actually, I’m ailed by my boredom, it’s like a disease. So, I wanted you to catch it too so I don’t die alone.”

“Nope. Go ahead and die alone in your boredom.” Hijikata shoots back without batting an eye. When the retort takes a moment to come from the permed samurai, Hijikata knows exactly what’s wrong with his partner. “I’m clearing your records.” Hijikata says, quickly changing the subject like Gintoki was about to.

“What? Really?” Gintoki says and once again is looking over his shoulder, but now he’s actually looking at his papers. “Why clean my already clean records? I’m a model citizen, I tell ya!” He says, but it’s just his usual gag. Ever since the two got together, they’ve had to tiptoe around some boundaries thanks to his past. But after everything that happened, Hijikata decided it was about time that, at least legally, Gintoki was freed from his past. He deserves that much. And he has permission from the higher ups, which was really all he needed. The only real issue is his affiliations with the missing Takasugi, and the ever-present Katsura.

“You never had a clean record, Yorozuya.”

“Ouch, that’s cruel.” Gintoki, again, feigns hurt. This is one of those moments when Hijikata wonders why the hell he puts up with this annoying excuse of a human being.

“With Katsura popping up every damn second, I have to do something so that you don’t get pulled into his shit.”

“Whoa, whoa, _whoa_ . I have _never_ been apart of the stuff he’s pulling now.” Gintoki states. “Sure, I get pulled in every now and then, but that’s always purely accidental.”

“I know, you moron. That’s what I’m cleaning up.” He says and rolls his eyes.

“Oh.” Gintoki says and silently watches for just a _few precious moments_. “How’s it going?”

“Very poorly, actually. With you around.” He says, grinding his teeth together.

“Well, doesn’t that suck.”

“Yeah, it does. Not only do you hang around all the time, but I think Katsura wants to meet up again, which I have _no_ idea why, but-”

“What?” Gintoki asks and Hijikata groans as he realizes that the deal he made with Katsura, perhaps a week ago, was something done behind Gintoki’s back. He hadn't realized how honest and comfortable he had gotten with Gintoki until moments like these. Moments when he's so used to telling Gintoki anything and the samurai knowing everything that he hardly remembers what he _shouldn't_ say. Sometimes he gets irked by the fact that Gintoki doesn't seem to have the same problem as himself. “You’re meeting with _Katsura?_ Like, Zura, joui patriot, your sworn enemy. _That_ Katsura.”

“Yes, yes, Katsura Kotarou. The very same.” Hijikata states and pushes the papers to the back of his desk, getting the feeling that they could get messed up with Gintoki being so close.

“Like, you’re going out to, what, lunch? Dinner?”

“Dinner.” Hijikata clarifies and lights a cigarette. Gintoki watches for a moment, confusion flashing in his eyes. “He wants to ‘get to know me’, as he put it. Since he called himself your ‘closest friend’, I believe.” He was definitely the reason Hijikata was against a clear label wit Gintoki. The moment Katsura caught wind of a relationship between the two, he nearly jumped the vice-chief and lost his head.

Hijikata is okay with only dealing with Katsura, but if any more of Gintoki's friends pop up, he may blow his top.

“Have you… met with him before?”

“A few times. It’s only lasting this week. So we’ll have… three more dinners this week?”

“Wow.” Gintoki says and leans back on his arms, a brow raised in mocking mischief. “Zura hasn’t told me about this.”

“He’s the one who made the deal in the first place. Technically, you shouldn’t know about it just yet.”

“Interesting. And what do you talk about?”

“Mostly it’s him pestering me and asking me questions.” Hijikata says, remembering their first meeting with a level of annoyance. Katsura had almost jumped him in his haste to understand every inch of their relationship. Hijikata had to fight himself so that he wouldn’t kill the man then and there. “He… sometimes accidentally tells me things.” Hijikata admits, not wanting to hide many things from his partner. Lover? Sometimes he gets confused even by the silent agreement. Maybe they ought to give it _some_ sort of label. He knows he’s in trouble when suddenly Gintoki schools his face into his usual dead-fish look, ready to hide whatever emotions this conversation might bring.

“Hm? Like what?” He says, sounding indifferent, but they both know that he cares. That it’s probably more important than either of them want to admit.

“Well, he thought I knew some things that I didn’t.” Hijikata says, now trying to beat around the bush, but Gintoki’s expression hasn’t changed. His muscles move as though he’s about to leave, and Hijikata knows that he is hurt. Hurt that his friend did this deal behind his back, hurt that his boyfriend-or-whatever won’t tell him what he knows. And so, he has decided to leave. But, Hijikata can’t let him. “Katsura told me about what happened. In the war.” Hijikata says, eyes popping around the room, always landing on Gintoki before slipping away, as though suddenly his perfect room has things in it more attention-grabbing than his partner. “Was that what you meant? When you scoffed when I asked if you had experience? Was… _that_ your first time?” Gintoki’s dead fish eyes go dull for a moment, and Hijikata knows he doesn’t have to clarify.

Gintoki remembers his first time, of course he does. But he also remembers _that_ time.

When his friends were captured for the first time, Gintoki hunted them down and got himself captured. The people had their fun. It was aggressive, ruthless, painful.

He killed everyone with his bare hands until he got a weapon in his grasp. None of them spoke of what had happened. Gintoki, subconsciously, didn’t know if he was grateful for that.

And now, after over ten years of being alright, of being fine, one of them had spoken of the events of that one day. And to his _partner_ no less. To Gintoki, Hijikata seems like a whole mix of emotions. There’s some anger mixed with sadness, and a whole lot of confused understanding, which Gintoki doesn’t like nor understand. Instead of directly responding, because when does he _ever_ do that, Gintoki sticks his pinky in his nose and looks dully at his lover.

“Oh, _please_ .” Gintoki scoffs, digs out whatever had been bothering him, and flicks the snot onto some section of the wall. Hijikata sneers at where it landed, but says nothing otherwise. Gintoki runs a finger through his hair, suddenly regretting having come to the Shinsengumi for a distraction. Because this definitely was _not_ a distraction. Of any kind. Whatsoever. So, he stretches, stands up, and thuds his way over to where he left his shoes.

“O-oi, you’re just leaving?” Hijikata asks, somewhat baffled by the response.

“...Yeah? Isn’t that obvious, Oogushi-kun? Or do you need your eyes checked?” Gintoki asks, but he just looks back over his shoulder, and Hijikata understands that Gintoki really just wants to _leave_. Now. More than anything, he just wants to go get a parfait, probably get drunk before heading home and plopping in the front entrance. But Hijikata knows that, if he asks, Gintoki will also stay. He won’t say anything, and the air will become strained, but he would stay. Because he’s that much of a selfless bastard.

“Alright, alright. Just don’t pass out in the trash.” Hijikata says and lights another cigarette. He’s not really shocked when Gintoki leaves silently, all of his retorts had probably died on his tongue when he had asked that stupid question.

Hijikata knows Gintoki has had it bad. He knows Gintoki has had experience. He just doesn’t know the extent of Gintoki’s pain. Doesn’t know the _why_ . The _when_ . And, god forbid, he doesn’t know if he wants to know the _how_.

When he meets Katsura that evening, the man can tell something is off and holds off on his questions.

“I accidentally told him.” Hijikata, says, actually _starting_ the conversation. Katsura smiles at the improvement but, when he processes the words, he frowns.

“Hm...” He says but then shrugs. “Figures.”

“I asked him… about what you said last time.” He says. “I couldn’t _not_ tell him I knew. God, why am I so stupid.“ He says and lays his head on the counter. Katsura orders his enemy a drink and shrugs.

“We never asked him. We should have, but we never did. So, it’s about time _someone_ did.” He states, pushing Hijikata’s drink towards him.

“I asked if that was his first time.” He says and sits up, takes his drink, and kicks it back like a true pro. “And he just said ‘oh _please_ ’. What the hell am I supposed to make of that?” Hijikata says and then begins grumbling, while Katsura seems disturbed by the information.

“Hm.” He says and gingerly sips on his own drink.

“What.” Hijikata growls at the male obviously hiding something.

“That’s… concerning.” Katsura says and flicks his eyes to his drinking buddy. “Because, as far as I know, he hadn’t done _anything_ during the war prior to that.”

“Anything?”

“Absolutely nothing. He was offered plenty, but he always refused.”

“But, then...” Hijikata looks into his empty cup, brain working on a response that he was okay with. A response he could deal with. Nothing good came to mind. “How old…?”

“When that happened?” Katsura says but they both know no clarification is needed. “We were sixteen.” Katsura says, both of them equally disturbed by the information. “It was pretty early on in the war.” They stay silent for a moment and Hijikata sighs as he swishes his drink around.

“I think we’re done here.” Hijikata then stands up and places some cash on the counter. “I owe you a night.” Katsura watches the man head out and narrows his eyes.

“Be careful. He won’t want to talk.” Katsura states as he turns back to the bartender. “Hopefully we don’t see each other for a while.” Hijikata pauses at the door flap and he turns enough to see Katsura’s backhanded wave. Katsura doesn’t need to seem him anymore and the officer just chuckles before sending back his own wave.

He’s partially glad he doesn’t have to deal with these dinners anymore, because he can’t hear anymore of Gintoki’s well-kept secrets. Because the man himself refuses to tell him and that just hurts.

Hijikata thought he understood Gintoki. He has analyzed the man's scars as if he were an astronomer and Gintoki were the sky. He has learned to read between the lines when all anyone else sees is the same stoic face and same mindless chatter. And yet an insecurity in the man is that he doesn't really know anything. Everyday he notices a new scar, a new unreadable look. Whenever he thinks he finally understands the man, he seems to become more complex.

But there are some things he should have just known. And it hurts to realize that he never noticed.

With a heavy heart and not enough alcohol in him, the man heads down the streets and mindlessly wanders. Only when he finally looks up from the dirt covered ground does he realize where he’s headed.

Gintoki won’t want to see him tonight.

But, Hijikata realizes with a heavy sigh, that he’s practically at the samurai’s doorstep. And he’s no coward, not in any sense of the word. So, he scales the steps up. They creak in warning and bend under his feet. He’s sure that many potential clients probably turn around when they realize they might die on their way to the door.

Once he reaches the door, he hesitates. He rolls the cigarette between his fingers and tries to take one last whiff of it before tossing it over the edge. Gintoki had once said something about not smoking in his home? Something about Shinpachi throwing a fit over the smell. Or was it Sadaharu couldn't stop sneezing and Kagura threw the fit?

Hijikata got the message all the same. His family doesn't like it, and Hijikata is familiar with what happens when the Yorozuya family doesn't like something. Affectionately and teasingly, Hijikata had called the samurai 'Dadtoki' when he got pulled into his parental roll. The things Gintoki had thrown at him were all worth it.

After one knock, Hijikata hardly waits before quickly wrapping three more times on the fragile door. He never answers the first ten it seems. But after repeatedly knocking before impatiently banging on the door, he realizes the man probably isn’t home.

After the events of today, he’d be surprised if the man doesn’t wake up in an alleyway somewhere. Hijikata huffs and runs a hand down his face.

“Bastard.” He growls and kicks the bottom of the door for extra measure. The frame shakes but doesn’t budge otherwise. “Fuckin’ drunk bastard.” He isn’t completely serious, but he’s still angry enough to kick the door one last time before stomping down the stairs. Down below, the soft sounds of the bar and the groans of other drunks just makes Hijikata roll his eyes. As he lights a new cigarette, he sees someone smoking beneath the awning. They acknowledge each other with a nod of their heads but as Hijikata is about to pass her the amanto decides to speak up.

“How do you put up with him.” She says after a heavy exhale of smoke. Hijikata pauses and takes a drag of his cigarette. He blows it out and saunters to a spot a little ways from her.

“I ask myself that every day.” He admits and eyes the eared woman for a moment. He vaguely recognizes her as a worker here but they had never interacted like this. She laughs at him and takes another drag. But before she can respond, the bar doors open and an arm reaches out to drag her back in.

“You’re at work, dammit!” Otose screeches and the cat yelps and curses as she’s pulled back into what seems to be hell. Hijikata just watches the odd interaction with wide eyes. He should expect no less from people who have known Gintoki for far longer than himself. But these antics never get boring, that’s for sure. Otose then peaks out of her shop as if expecting to catch another hooligan, and when she spots Hijikata he prays she doesn’t treat him the same. “Where’s that idiot?” She sound uncaring and flippant but he knows her words are genuine. She’s worried for him and Hijikata feels guilty that he has no response for her.

“Probably out wasting his money.” He says and she just looks at him. He was hoping to get a laugh from her but oh well. 

“That idiot better not get into trouble.”

“Of course he is.” Hijikata blandly states and that gets a laugh from her and a smile from him. But again she’s now eyeing him and although Hijikata tries to seem unaffected, it’s intimidating. This woman could make or break his relationship with the man. And he knows she has the power to take him out if she chooses.

But what’s most intimidating is her motherly relationship with Gintoki. How they would do anything for each other. And how protective that makes them of each other. He wants to be on her good side in the same odd way Gintoki tries to be on Shinsengumi’s good side.

Or, rather, on Sougo and Kondos good side. The rest of them he messes with as he pleases. But he also seems to have his boundaries with them all.

Except perhaps with Yamazaki. But he let’s that slide.

“Got plenty of room inside.” She says in a steady drawl before turning to go back to her bar. “We stay open pretty late.” Hijikata nods with a smile before he follows after her.

“Thanks.”

“You won’t be getting anything for free.” She says sternly and he just laughs.

"I'm not a good-for-nothing freeloader." He states as he enters the warm atmosphere of Snack Otose. He never really interacts with her outside of this atmosphere, but he likes the bar. And he credits its odd homeliness to her. She's one of the best bar owners he knows, unparalleled in her ability to listen and read between the lines.

He's sure that's how Gintoki and her get along so well. She never had to ask and he never had to explain. They understand each other.

He's almost jealous and partly wonders if she knows all the things he doesn't.

They talk casually and he helps her break up a bar fight. She claimed to not give him anything free, but he's sure half the drinks he drinks he didn't ask for. If that's a ploy to get more money from him or if it's just her being nice, he isn't sure.

At least a bottle or two into the night, the bar is empty and the odd robot Yamazaki tried to get married to is busy cleaning up.

"Otose-sama, should I kick this one out?" She mechanically asks and it takes Hijikata a moment to realize he's the one she's talking about. Otose just shakes her head and finishes cleaning up another glass. At this moment, Hijikata realizes how quiet the bar is as he clearly hears the soft clink of her putting the glass away.

"Oh, sorry." He has the decency to sound embarrassed as he realizes he's the last person to leave.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata isn't sure what to do.

“He isn’ comin’ home tonight, is he.” Hijikata slurs in realization. He had tried to help Otose close up the shop, but once he realized he was too drunk he had to settle for sitting at the bar and watching her.

She pauses for a moment and just looks at the man. He knows she can see right through him, and he bites back a curse at the fact that she must have planned to get him drunk and loose lipped. But when she sighs he creases his brows in confusion.

Her silence speaks volumes to him.

“And he’s supposed to be a parent...” Hijikata grumbles but subconsciously clenches his fist. Otose openly chuckles at the man before winding up right across from him.

“I’m sure he’d have a heart attack if you said that to his face.”

“Already have.” He then shakes his head. “No heart attack. Just pain ‘n my end.” The woman then laughs at his pitiful response and hands him a glass of water. She eyes him for a moment longer before sighing.

“He’ll be home tonight.” She states and Hijikata pauses in his water sipping.

“How?” Hijikata knows from experience that when things go bad, in virtually any sense and typically without anyone bar Katsura really noticing in regards to the subtle things, the permed man doesn’t go home. Not for at least a day. And when something really bad happens, the most he had gone ‘missing’ was four days.

Hijikata learned of that after their first fight. Their first _real_ fight. Although it hardly counts as a fight at all on anyone else’s standards. Gintoki can be loud and boisterous and downright annoying, but when he’s acting like that Hijikata knows everything is alright. When he gets quiet is when it gets bad, so their fights are out of the ordinary. Full or glares and uncomfortable silences that rarely define any relationship surrounding Gintoki.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?” She finishes up cleaning and takes a drag of her cigarette.

“The other hooligans aren’t home right now.”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

That explains a lot - too much, in fact. And suddenly Hijikata feels so stupid that he hadn’t noticed.

How did he not notice Gintoki actually being awake and _moving_ in the morning? Why didn’t he read between the lines, that Gintoki’s _boredom_ was killing him? How could he possibly have been bored if those kids were home?

His sudden understanding must have showed on his face because Otose just laughs at him for a moment.

“‘Xcuse me.” He slurs as he stands up. He isn’t as incapacitated as Gintoki seems to always be, and he has some dignity to maintain, so he isn’t _that_ out of balance. Otose just watches as he opens the door and flicks his eyes between Gintoki’s home and the street.

_Where is he right now?_

He could be home. Could have slipped past the bar, perhaps he even saw Hijikata in there and silently gone up the stairs. More sober than one would typically think.

Or, he could be out getting drunk off his balls.

Hijikata heads up the old staircase and, drunk, he isn’t sure he wants to do the climb. Perhaps he should just go back to the Shinsengumi. But by the time he decides to just leave, he’s already at the door.

He knocks a few times to no response, but he isn’t angry. He didn’t expect a response. He tries the door and at first it gets caught, but he realizes after another budge that it’s just how the door is. He sometimes forgets how worn down the Yorozuya’s things are. He lines the door up correctly and tries to open it again.

It slides open and Hijikata immediately sees a pair of boots that the Yorozuya must have lazily thrown off.

 _So he is home_.

But Hijikata finds the atmosphere very… unwelcoming. A very unusual atmosphere as typically the place is swarmed with people, drawing even _more_ people into it. The urge to turn around hits him like a brick wall and he freezes, partway to taking his shoes off. If he takes them off, he isn’t leaving and he’ll have to face a sober, somber Gintoki. Which is always terrifying. Because he never knows what to do. But he has to. He has to know.

He doesn’t want to break the atmosphere Gintoki has put himself in, so he stealthily takes his shoes off and creeps towards the living room. He doesn’t have the layout memorized and foolishly steps on a creaky piece of wood, although he isn’t surprised. With all the thumping Kagura and Sadaharu do, he’s surprised they don’t all creak.

“Come to collect my rent, Old Hag.” The words come out bland and monotone and not Gintoki. Hijikata feels like a stranger in a stranger's house and he knows that something is wrong. 

“Oi, I’m not that much older than you.” Hijikata tries to sound gruff and normal and wants to draw that normalcy out of Gintoki. He’s hesitant to walk into the dark room to see Gintoki sitting in the chair at his desk, turned around so he isn’t facing Hijikata.

"You asshat, who said _you_ were older than me?" Hijikata pauses in his response and fingers his cigarettes for a moment, knowing full well he won't smoke in the Yorozuya's home.

"Your immaturity." Gintoki just huffs in response but says no more. Hijikata stands awkwardly for a moment before stumbling his way towards the empty couch. He heavily sits and watches the back of Gintoki's chair.

As far as he can see, there's no alcohol. But, he wouldn't put it past Gintoki to just have the bottle in his lap and be drinking from it. Hijikata doesn't want to break the silence, but Gintoki's lack of retort almost completely puts it on Hijikata.

"What do you want?" Gintoki asks but doesn't move otherwise.

"Wanna go out for a drink?" Hijikata wants to bang his head into a wall, because _why_ was that his immediate response? First of all, he's already drunk, and secondly, it's _way_ to late. They'd end up passed out somewhere and he's the Vice Chief, he can't do that.

"You sure you're up for that?" The chair squeaks and Hijikata's heart jumps in his throat as the anxiousness he hardly felt before sky rockets at the chance to see the man. But the chair still doesn't move. When the words process, the ball in his throat seems to fall straight through his stomach. Gintoki saw him. Saw him downstairs, drinking everything away while Otose just watched and cared for him.

He can imagine Gintoki coming home. Late, perhaps he had not gone drinking and just walked around. Hijikata doesn't know where the man would wander to, but he seems like the kind of contemplative guy that would do that. And in an even weirder way, Hijikata feels like Gintoki was able to do that without having to really deal with anyone he knows. And he knows a lot of people. But Hijikata also knows of the positive impact Gintoki has had on nearly everyone in Edo, and if he had run in to one of those people he wouldn't be in this funk.

That must have been a lonely trek.

Although Hijikata knows it would have been worse had he stopped Gintoki, he almost wishes he did. Maybe he could have put the samurai in a better mood before sending him off.

"I'm no lightweight." Hijikata finally responds and Gintoki just laughs at him. The rest of the conversation is just as awkward, and the alcohol catches up to Hijikata. He remembers Hijikata saying something about calling the Shinsengumi, and Yamazaki had come to pick him up.

But one thing Hijikata had remembered that really hadn't been difficult to commit to memory, was that the chair had never moved.

Gintoki had never turned to face him.

It was almost like a different man was behind the chair. A dangerous stranger.

The next day, Hijikata is completely motivated by that familiar stranger. He smokes a pack before the morning is over, mulling over any detail he may have missed, looking through records concerning the Yorozuya that the Shinsengumi had hidden. It's how they got away without paying that greedy trio every time they helped out.

"Vice Chief, I have your lun-"

" _Yamazaki._ " The demon growls and Yamazaki has no warning before a sword prevents the door from opening any wider. The man jumps and shakily peeks in the door. He entirely regrets it when he sees the red pupil of the samurai. " _Get. Out._ " With a startled jump he almost runs away and barely remembers to leave the tray of food outside the door.

By the second pack, Hijikata begrudgingly finds himself coming to the same answer without fail, and that causes him to run through that pack fast. Is he desperate enough for an answer? Is there really no other way? How can he do this without swallowing his pride?

News of the Vice Chief's sour mood spreads through the barracks like wildfire, and when he finally makes an appearance, only a select few have the courage (or are foolish enough) to face him.

"Toshi!" Kondo calls and the warm smile on his face makes Hijikata crack a grin.

"Kondo." Hijikata nods before flicking his eyes to Sougo. The young boy seems to be acting casually, but that could only bring misfortune to them all.

"Tosh, you work too hard!" The gorilla places a heavy hand on Hijikata's shoulder. The Vice Chiefs eyes the man for a moment and gnaws on his cigarette.

"It's just paper work, it's fine -"

"No, no, no! We can't have you tiring out! We need you strong and healthy."

"Tire out til you die."

"Thanks, Sougo." Hijikata says blandly but his anger is betrayed when the cigarette snaps and half of it falls to the floor. "Kondo, it's fine."

"Nope. I am giving you a mandatory break. For a week."

"A _week_?" Hijikata's mouth drops open in surprise. What is he supposed to do for a _week_?

"While your gone, kill yourself. It'd be too much of a hassle to hunt you down and kill you."

"Dammit, Sougo!" Hijikata goes to draw his sword but Kondo is quick to stop the exchange.

"I think it's a great idea! Just stay with Yorozuya for the week, that should be nice."

"With that permed idiot? What would be _nice_ about that?" He chokes, and although he's too dignified to blush, he's still just as flustered. Do they know? How could they? But, Yamazaki is great when it comes to spying, and it's not like they're _trying_ to be subtle, but -

"If we treat it like a job, he should be hospitable enough for you. Plus, the other two are gone which leaves _poor Otae-san alone!_ " Kondo wails and walks away to sulk. The Vice Chief just shakes his head, fully aware of how stubborn their chief can be and that it's not really worth fighting him. Actually, a break couldn't have come at a more convenient time. He never thought he would be thankful for a mandatory break, being the workaholic he is, but he finds himself quickly leaving the Shinsengumi. He didn't completely pack, he needs to make sure Gintoki would actually be okay with it. And it's not as though he couldn't stay at the Shinsengumi while on a break, but Kondo knows that would last for about a day. Hijikata can't fool the man anymore.

He wanders town, dressed casually and running through his cigarettes as if they were a lifeline. He doesn't run into Gintoki and he doesn't know if he's surprised by that. However, he finds himself almost irritated to not have the most irritating guy around him. It's weird and he tries to ignore the feeling. After walking until well into the day and heading into the evening, Hijikata finally spots what he had been looking for.

"Oi, Katsura."

"It's not Katsura it's Zura!" He spins before pausing. "It's not Zura it's Katsura!" Hijiktata just eyes the terrorist for a moment before shaking his head. Katsura quickly recognizes the man, although he's outside of work clothes he doesn't mention it. "I won't make you meet with me anymore."

"I wanna talk." Hijikata then flicks his eyes to the odd duck thing before looking back to the samurai. " _Alone_ _._ " Elizabeth understands before nodding to Katsura and waddling away. Hijikata leads the two of them to a nearby bar, one they had visited the first time Katsura had dragged the poor man out. Once settled, the first thing they do is order drinks and scan the small menu they know they won't use.

"Why the change of heart?" They haven't received their drinks yet, but Katsura keeps flicking his eyes to a man who should be trying to kill him right now. "I've approved of you."

"I can't read him." Hijikata states, putting his heart on his sleeve. He's a prideful man, he doesn't admits weakness and he doesn't like to, if he can help it. The only people who have seen him in any state other than empowered and strong would be Kondo, Sougo (sadly), and Gintoki. Never in all his life would he have thought Katsura would be added to that list.

"Ah." Katsura hums in agreement as they get their drinks.

"He's acting weird and I can't..." he sighs and wants to bang his head against the wall. Why had he decided to do this? What was his plan? Was he going to beg Katsura to do something? Impart his wisdom on a man the same age as himself? Spill the secret to understanding the enigma that is their friend? "Just when I thought I understood, suddenly I'm the most foolish person on the planet."

"That happens to all of us." Katsura states with a sagely nod.

"Realizing we're stupid? Thanks."

"No, thinking we've finally unlocked the secret code. We always joked that that's what it was. A code that had to be unlocked." Hijikata then silently nods, aware that perhaps he hadn't been stupid to come to the man. Katsura knows something.

“It's just that every time I think I can finally read him, I realize that I’m completely wrong.”

“We’ll here’s where you’re going wrong.” Katsura says with a troubled laugh and he shakes his head. “We all messed that up when we were younger. Trying to over analyze, bragging when we could _finally_ read between the lines. But then… we couldn’t. None of us could, other than Sensei.” Katsura states but slowly drifts out of the story. His eyes drift down to the drink in his hand and he stays still for a moment before taking a tentative sip as if that could bring him back to reality. And although Hijikata doesn’t know where the man’s thoughts took him - although he has a few guesses - he isn’t close enough to the man to pull him out. So he’s just stuck, waiting and watching emotions too fast to identify flicker across the man’s face. He knows who the _we_ is. He roughly knows that those thoughts can only end badly.

The moment doesn’t last long, hardly two seconds, but after dealing with Gintoki as much as he had, Hijikata has learned to read those types of quick movements. After being able to read Katsura more or less, Hijikata wonders how the _hell_ he still can’t read his lover.

“But we realized he doesn’t _want_ to be read. He doesn’t want to be understood. So he changes it up as soon as he realizes someone understands. It subtle, but all he is is subtle. So you don’t notice until it’s too late, and by then, you don’t understand. People like him typically want someone to understand him, and that’s the mistake everyone makes. But he’s different. And that makes it so much harder because he’s too clever. And if he wants to do something, well, unless you’re more stubborn than him, he’s gonna win.” Katsura sounds defeated, and although Hijikata knows it comes from years for trial and error and failure after failure, and most likely many arguments between the two (really between three but he doesn’t want to acknowledge that), the words still make him angry.

“So you just gave up.” Hijikata grounds out and Katsura flicks his eyes towards him with no extra movement. “You just gave up.” Katsura then sighs before downing his drink.

“No. Never. But… I’ve stopped digging.” He admits and finally turns to look at the vice commander. “I can read him how he needs to be read and when. I know when to push and when not to.” He admits with a shrug. Hijikata bites down hard on his cigarette and scowls at the idea. The mere idea that Katsura, _the_ Katsura closest friend of the most mysterious person Hijikata had ever met, dare say something like that.

Silent anger - no, _rage_ \- fills him and all Hijikata knows is he just needs to leave.

Now.

And so he does. Through the merciless and harsh and sudden scratching of the floor, to the haphazardly thrown change on the counter, he leaves in silent rage with Katsura just watching his back.

Katsura knows that his and Gintoki’s relationship is set in stone, and they are both more or less content with how it has ended up, so he doesn’t want to change it. _But_ , he theorizes with a smile, _perhaps he’ll get farther than any of us did_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These emotionally constipated boys need to talk, but talking is hard when there's only one trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter might seem a bit fast, but there's a purpose I promise (with crossed fingers.)

When it comes to Gintoki, it’s never easy. He’s so _frustrating_ and sometimes Hijikata wonders why he’s having relations with the permed idiot. The permed idiot that has been _avoiding Hijikata_ for too long. Too. Long. Hijikata hadn’t quite realized how often his meetings with the man began by pure chance. They meet in the streets, passing each other or falling into the same sort of mess. 

Ever since that meeting with Katsura, he hasn’t seen Gintoki once. Any flash of white ends up being a cloud or amanto, once it was a white cat. But no signature blue swirl or familiar commotion on the streets or in the pachinko parlor or any of the regular bars. Seeing more of Katsura than Gintoki throws him into an angry spiral. Because it’s so like Gintoki to just hide and wait for this bump to pass over. And then he would seduce Hijikata and draw him into another heated night and the topic would be over.

He’s ~~good great~~ amazing at getting what he wants when it comes to interrogation. Regardless which way it goes, he somehow has all the cards and they’re always in his favor. It doesn’t help that he can play Hijikata like a fiddle, the damn tactician. 

He didn’t think he would see Gintoki for another month (you never knew with the guy,) but it’s only a week before he’s dropped off in front of the Yorozuya, Kondo calling after him as Sougo aims a bazooka at a suitcase.

 _Die_ , he whispers before shooting the item and sends Hijikata’s belongings everywhere.

The anger in his eyes makes them go up in flames. Luckily, he has a whole pack of cigarettes on him. So, he sticks them all in his mouth and lights them with said fire.

“Ah, Mayora, you’re here.” Gintoki pokes his head out and behind him commotion arises. He just sticks his pinky in his nose and looks at the mess that is Hijikata’s life. “Oi, Megane-kun, help our esteemed guest with his luggage.” An indignant shout can be heard alongside chaotic barking.

Hijikata would rather that bazooka hit him. With incessant grumbles and many curses, Hijikata manages to clean up his belongings and grab his own luggage because he, the demon vice commander, doesn’t need any help _thank you very much_.

The week goes by… interestingly enough. Although that fact doesn’t shock anyone. Never has Hijikata had to put up with something kin to a family other than Kondo, but at least Kondo gives space sometimes.

This trio doesn’t know when to quit.

“Hey! Why’s the fridge full of mayo?!”

“It’s the condiment of the Gods, what else would be in the fridge?”

“ _Gin-chaaan_ Sadaharu ate some of that disgusting shit, is he gonna become disgusting like Mayora?”

“Oh no, we can’t have that. Can we make him vomit it back up? Preferably in Mayora’s stuff.”

“Wha - _no_ ! Why would you waste such good - _I said no dammit!_ ”

And so chaos ensued… constantly. And his threats don't work on the trio, they practically dare him to cut them down.

At night, Hijikata typically waits outside with a cigarette in hand. He spends his time helping out with the bar and speaking with Otose. They’ve built up a solid relationship now and she’s become his saving grace.

“Tama, can you go collect that idiots rent?”

“Of course, Otose-san.”

… Or, maybe she’s just as crazy as the rest. That's probably how she puts up with them.

“Hey,” Otose speaks up one night as she snubs out her dead cigarette, “you should go up now.”

“And deal with that mess? No way.” Hijikata has had enough of that shenanigans to last him a lifetime. But there’s a knowing look in the old woman’s eye that tells him he might just listen.

“You won’t regret it.”

And so, of course, _begrudgingl_ y, he does walk up those suicidal stairs. He hears nothing. None of that loud dog or those repetitive arguments - there’s not a single sound.

Someone must have died then. Or they all did. Did Sougo poison all the mayonnaise, the bastard, and did _they_ eat it, the bastards. The door slides open easy enough; he’s had plenty of practice with the Yorozuya’s broken down belongings, and the lights are all off. Why Otose sent him up, he has no idea.

He creeps in, careful and meticulous, and finally he spots a familiar form.

Gintoki probably hasn’t noticed him yet. His face is lit aglow by the moonlight and it’s enough for Hijikata to see the serene expression on his face. He’s just watching the yato sleep, not much else. Sadaharu sits faithfully beside him as Gintoki lazily scratches behind his head.

After a moment, Gintoki shifts.

Hijikata almost fears he’s been caught; he shouldn’t be watching this. But he has a feeling this is what Otose wanted him to see.

Gintoki reaches, leaving Sadaharu to lightly whine at the loss of comfort, and his hand goes towards Kagura’s face. Perhaps he wants to brush the bangs from her eyes, or wipe off some drool, but he freezes. His face shifts, that beautifully serene expression makes way for the look of a world weary man. With a trembling hand, he goes back to Sadaharu and offers one final scratch.

Hijikata isn’t sure when Gintoki noticed him, maybe it’s right as he turned but he hides it well. Instead, he turns with a wide yawn and blinks at Hijikata. Neither are sure what to do. They haven’t slept in the same room these days, Gintoki opting for the couch. Their relationship isn’t one of sleeping side by side and - god forbid - _cuddling_.

But then Gintoki sends him that gleam and _dammit_ Hijikata doesn’t know what to do as he seamlessly closes Kagura’s closet door.

“Welcome back.” The words roll off his tongue and he saunters towards Hijikata.

Hijikata doesn’t move, his gaze haphazardly flicks between the ethereal being in front of him and that closed closet door. He won’t risk waking her up.

But in the end, Gintoki wants his way and he tends to get it. He has always known how to push the right buttons and the right moves, he knows how to play anyone like a fiddle, Hijikata is sure, and a very small _minuscule_ part of him likes that.

The other larger part of him is too prideful to recognize that.

Before he knows what’s happening, Hijikata finds himself being pushed into that room and darkness engulfs his vision. Gintoki nudges him to fall and fall he does. The strong-willed vice commander of the Shinsengumi becomes a puddle in Gintoki’s palm. Gintoki swings a leg over Hijikata and straddles the man.

“Been a while.”

“You’re drunk.” They both know he’s not. Instead of offering a response, Gintoki just leans to take up Hijikata’s air and teases him in every which way. They are both sexually frustrated, it’s been too long.

Soon, they’re a tangle of limbs. Gintoki is left clawing at the futon with fabric firmly stuffed in his mouth - he gets loud. Gintoki is more needy than usual, half begging Hijikata to go _harder harder yes yes_ while Hijikata blindly obeys because it’s the best he’s had in a long time. And Gintoki, in the light of the moon, sweat glistening and eyes bright red and hazy, he looks like some sort of God.

As they climax, Hijikata is quick to once again keep Gintoki silent - this time, with a sloppy kiss. Gintoki groans and Hijikata silences all those erotic sounds with his own mouth. And they feel good. Gintoki clenches around him so tight Hijikata sees stars.

They sink into each other. As a puddle of sweaty limbs and heavy pants, they slump. Gintoki’s head falls back and Hijikata rests his own head on Gintoki’s shoulder. Below him, Gintoki trembles with the aftermath, a wry smile playing at the corner of his lips.

Hijikata lifts his head and looks to the open face of his partner. Gintoki is still panting, hair slicked back by sweat and it looks so silver and blue and breathtaking how it frames that face. Those lashes flutter open and Hijikata is left in awe as those bright wine eyes flick in his direction. He can't deny how utterly attractive Gintoki is.

It feels like an eternity before Hijikata opens his mouth. Even though he doesn’t want it to end.

“We need to talk.” Gintoki blinks at the male before throwing his head back onto the futon and offering a throaty whine that mixes with a laugh.

“Way to ruin the mood.” The words come out light with exhaustion and the slight tremble of ecstasy.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“You live in my house, how can I avoid you?”

“You know what I mean.” Gintoki falls silent, because they both know what he means. With a groan, Gintoki shifts and Hijikata moves to let him up. He sits up and runs a hand through his hair. All without making eye contact with Hijikata, which is so damnably annoying. “Hey-”

“I’m gonna take a shower.” His bangs are blocking his eyes and Hijikata wishes they weren’t, he can’t read the man otherwise (even with the eyes, Gintoki is a hard man to read.)

“I’ll go with you.” Now he can see those deadfish eyes, the indignant gleam in them is clear. He’s up to some foolery.

“Wha? Gin-san is an old man, he can’t go for round two just yet.”

“We can take a shower without going at it, we’re not dogs in heat.” Gintoki grumbles, still averse to the idea, but in the end the disgusting feel of drying sweat and cum wins Gintoki over. It doesn’t take long before they're in the shower, helping to wash each other's backs and the like. It’s mostly silent and a little awkward, but they make it work. Hijikata scowls at Gintoki using his strawberry-scented everything but at least he isn't using Hijikata's things.

As they rinse themselves off, Hijikata confronts the avoiding male.

“We still need to talk.” Gintoki throws a towel right at Hijikata's face, perhaps in an effort to shut him up but Hijikata's reflexes are better than that.

“What’s there to talk about?” Now they’re getting somewhere, although it might be backwards at least it’s movement. First, Gintoki avoids the topic, then he tries to brush it off. Third, Hijikata isn't too sure. Maybe there's another obstacle and he's willing to find out.

Not because he really cares for Gintoki, but he does owe it to the man, doesn't he? After everything Gintoki has done for the Shinsengumi, Hijikata can try to lessen the burden.

“You tell me.” Because Hijikata doesn’t know, and that’s what so infuriating about all this. He has no clue what Gintoki’s hiding, only that he’s hiding it. And he's a master deceiver, he can hide the storm of emotions he must be feeling - because he's very much human - behind those dead eyes. Gintoki offers nothing more than a tired blink and then he moves to dry himself and get changed. "Hey-"

"What?" And again Hijikata finds a new side of Gintoki. The third obstacle, maybe. And he hadn't realized he met it before, back when he stumbled into the Yorozuya and found the back of chair. It's in the gleam of those wine eyes that seem to shine through those silver bangs, it feels like a predator prowling and waiting for a moment of weakness. Hijikata refuses to show any, but damn it's hard.

Seldom does the oni no fukucho deal with another formidable demon. And this demon is more than just a thorn.

Sometimes, Hijikata recalls the few experiences he had learned something about Gintoki. He knows about Shouyou being his sensei, and he knows that man earned the eternal respect of Gintoki and those two terrorists. He also knows that their sensei's death was a turning point in their lives, one that tore them apart. He heard through the grape-vine that Shouyou had found the orphaned Gintoki and took him under his wing. Other than that and his title as the Shiroyasha, most everyone comes up blank. His past comes up through a curtain of lies and the mist of the unknown has been impenetrable for everyone that knows the man.

Hijikata refuses to say he froze, the vice-commander doesn't freeze. But does he just watch Gintoki leave after the man sent a single glare. Yes, he cannot lie, he just watched the male leave, silent anger simmering and his love for avoiding his issues made him flee. Hijikata is sure this isn't the first time he's done this, and it won't be the last.

That night, Hijikata falls asleep with the expectation of a headache the next day. Because that just comes with the territory of being involved with that permed man.

Damn he could use a smoke, or some paperwork - no, and, _and_ some paperwork. He could probably bribe Gintoki into letting him do some work for the Shinsengumi. Problem is, Kondo would probably overbid him because he's that kind of a man.

The next day, Hijikata wakes up early, as usual. He's tired, frustrated, and definitely in need of at least an entire pack of cigarettes. So he leaves because he probably needs to find Gintoki before he drowns himself in the trash of some gutter. 

He understands the need for secrets, of course he does. But sometimes they bring more problems and trouble follows Gintoki for a reason. Everyone has a past they want to hide, hell, even Kagura, he heard something about her having a crazy brother that rivals Sougo. But Gintoki, a war vet who's name still strikes fear in the hearts of amanto? A man who, at every chance he gets, will run away from his past as though it were the plague?

It brings the sort of trouble that can destroy all Edo. It's infuriating. And Hijikata knows he's not the only one.

Living with the Yorozuya, he sees the looks the kids send that idiotic samurai. He'll say something that's hardly odd, but the kids will twitch and subtly react. Sometimes, he'll sit around and Kagura will throw a pudding cup at him as a quick pick-me-up. And while he would complain each morning about the woes of the new day, occasionally the kids notice something off and they'll let him sleep. Hijikata still isn't sure what. The obnoxious yato won't have the TV on so loud, or she'll just take Sadaharu out for a day long walk. Shinpachi cooks on those days, and it's always a light meal soft on the stomach. And while Gintoki can bounce back quick, it's only because he _has_ to. And those observant kids let him rest and recover when others might not.

But a man like Gintoki would never tell the kids about what plagues him; he buries it all. Sometimes, Hijikata wonders what sort of things the kids have seen. Surely they've helped the war-torn veteran though bouts of depression, but something tells Hijikata that there's more. Perhaps times when PTSD would inconveniently strike, as Hijikata is sure it has, but then again, he wouldn't know. Gintoki would never voluntarily show that side to anyone. But those kids stick to him like a lifeline, so of course they see more than anyone else.

A small part of him, the tiny part that acknowledges the attractiveness of Gintoki and the allure of that man, that small part holds a flame of jealousy. He can't beat the kids, he knows that. Right now, they're everything to Gintoki. But still, that small part of Hijikata wants to know. He wants to know the perfect time to throw that pudding cup or make the rice blander than usual, or when he should be obnoxious and loud and more touchy than usual.

But only a small part of him cares.

"Fukucho!" Hijikata whips his head at the familiar voice. He never thought he would miss that call. Of course while out on a walk he would run into Yamazaki.

"This better be good." He grounds out around the cigarette, although he doesn't really care. Yamazaki calling him means he can get back to work. Yamazaki almost falls to his knees in exhaustion and he gasps himself back to life. When he looks up to Hijikata, there's a level of fear in his eyes.

"Fuku... cho." He gasps and Hijikata's hand is on his sword, ready to deal with the fool in front of him. At the familiar gleam, Yamazaki is at attention, hand to his forehead as he addresses his commanding officer. "We've gotten reports about an upcoming attack."

"Does Kondo know you're here?" Of course he does, but if he doesn't then that means Sougo's behind this, and that's never good.

"Yes-"

"Then continue." Yamazaki offers an enthusiastic nods before looking around the empty streets. They're far from that lively street in Kabuki-cho, he hadn't realized he had gone so far. "Is it Katsura? Takasugi?"

"No. It's someone new - where's Sakata-san?"

"Passed out in some gutter. Why does that matter?"

"We have reason to believe they're targeting the Yorozuya."

"What - dammit Yamazaki, why didn't you say that first!" Hijikata growls and soon his sword is out. With a shriek unbefitting of the Shinsengumi, Yamazaki is running as his only defense is his ever-present badminton.

The first thing Hijikata does is race back to the Yorozuya. Because while he's sure they're after Gintoki, if anyone knows the man they know how to get to him. And what better way than through the kids? And he knows that Gintoki would _never_ forgive Hijikata nor himself if something happened to them.

Hijikata sees Snack Otose and relief floods him. From what Yamazaki had shouted to the winds, the threat was newly discovered and maybe too late. Which means Hijikata's neck is on the line since Gintoki left him with the kids last. Let alone the fear of dealing with an angry Gintoki, Hijikata has come to care for those kids. So he races up the steps two at a time and they creak as though he'll be the last person up them.

The door is ajar.

How long ago had he left? What time is it? He went through the rest of his pack and another, which means Shinpachi has been in and he doesn't forget to keep that door closed.

It's empty.

He tears through the apartment, and there's nothing. Kagura would leave the door open on her way out, but there's no touch of Shinpachi that should be there.

Then he finds the note.

It sits so serenely on Gintoki's desk, so ominously that Hijikata doesn't want to touch it.

He doesn't have the chance to reach for it before the thudding sound of steps reaches his ears. He turns to see Gintoki with Sougo poking a head out behind him. He's still in the clothes from the night before. His bokuto is drawn and his features are tense and ready for battle. His eyes miss Hijikata in favor of scanning the room. Slowly, he enters, ready for an ambush of any kind and looking for any sign of the kids.

Hijikata can't fathom the emotions Gintoki feels when his eyes land on the white paper. He relaxes immediately, his sword drops to his side and his face schools into that unreadable expression. He's slow with steps borne from walking on minefields and awaiting an ambush. He knows. But there's no defeat in his eyes as he seamlessly picks up the note. With a fluid motion he opens the paper and scans it.

It crumples easily in his hand and Hijikata wouldn't be surprised if it caught on fire. But the gleam in his eyes, the white-knuckled grip and that set jaw say it all.

There will be hell to pay and Gintoki is more than willing to finish this war.


End file.
